Advice about Love...If you want it!
Good afternoon everyone! I totally should be studying for my Philosophy exam right now, but I feel like if I don't blog, I won't be able to focus, so here I am, writing a blog! This entry will have advice that I would give to my friends and family if they asked for it. So, take it for what it is worth. I promise, not every blog will be about love, but I feel like I know a lot about it so I should write about it. They say write what you know, right?
The one thing I tell everyone is, always find a reason to kiss! Most people would say, "Don't go to bed angry at each other." But I think that is crazy! If your significant other makes you mad, don't repress those feelings just because you are going to bed! That just doesn't fix the problem! In fact, it may make it worse and make it harder for you to fall asleep, and no one wants that! Instead, kiss them! I mean, just because you are angry and you haven't solved the situation yet, doesn't mean you don't still love the person, right? Or at least I hope not. Let them know that by giving them a kiss before bed. It will let both of you understand that, yes, we may be angry at each other, but we still love each other. It is ok to be mad and have arguments and they do not have to be fixed right away, especially if you are the type of person where it takes time to get over the situation in your own way! Don't change who you are and how you deal, just make sure your significant other knows that they are still loved.
Make cute gestures to each other! Ryan and I may be sitting in the same room, both with headphones on, doing our own things, but every now and then I will make a heart with my hands and put his face in the middle and keep them there until he notices. It always makes him smile! When we go to bed, we don't cuddle the whole time. In fact, we hardly cuddle! Who actually does that? It's way too hot to cuddle. But we do hold hands while falling asleep! We take turns rubbing each other's backs. We show affection as often as we can in our own way. If you are busy with work and life and don't get to see your significant other much, find a way to show them that you are thinking about them during your busy day! Send them a cute picture. Post a status on Facebook if you are into letting the world know how you feel at the same time letting your significant other know how you feel about them or are thinking about them! I do that a lot! My man doesn't use Facebook hardly if at all! So when he posts something and tags me in it, it warms my heart! It makes me feel special! I know he is thinking about me on his busy and more likely than not, very stressful day day at work!
Ladies, this one is for you! Don't always be picking fights with your man! You have to realize that men have feelings and thoughts as well! Men don't like coming home if they know that there will most likely be a fight going down! Most fights usually happen because of the lady, unfortunately, which is something I see and hear all the time. Trust me, enough people make Facebook statuses about it all the time. Guys aren't emotional beings to the point of starting fights. And I am not talking about men who are mental, physical, or sexual abusers, I am talking about normal men who are down to earth good guys. YOU, yes you, don't always have to be right and when you're not, don't keep fighting about it. Be humble and admit when you are wrong. When you realize that you're not happy anymore, and everyone around you is doing something wrong but you don't see yourself doing anything wrong... it's probably you doing something wrong. You have to look at yourself in the mirror and evaluate your situation. If you find everyone running away from you or not willing to spend time with you, you have to ask yourself why that is and really focus on you and what you're doing. People pick up on your moods! People can tell when atmospheres change when someone less than pleasant walks into the room. So, how does one fix that? Well, if it has been going on for a while, it's going to take a while to gain people's trust back, including your significant other. You can't change over night! But you can acknowledge others feelings and apologize for making things difficult. Remember, be humble!
I have always been against working with someone I am dating. I know a few people who work with their spouse or significant other. Me, personally, I love my man so much and I love being around him, but I would never want to work with him! I am sure we could do it, but it never ends well. When you can't separate work life from home life, there is a problem. When you take work life home with you and then it becomes ammo for arguments or blaming and accusing, that is not good if you want a happy, healthy relationship! Couples need space from each other and that is what jobs are for. You each do your own thing and have your own friends at work to talk to. And those people aren't connected to your spouse or SO through work so it isn't awkward for them to hear you talking about your significant other! When spouses or significant others work with each other, it becomes a battle of dominance. That battle always comes home with you! You know how they say, "leave your problems at the door." Well, you can't do that if you live and work with someone that may be causing you problems and that is a sure fire way to ruin a great relationship! I have family and very dear close friends that I have seen were in great relationships and they wanted to help out their spouse or SO to get a job when in need, and they ended up working together, usually with one being a boss over the other and in the end, not only did the relationship end, but one or both quit their job to get away from the other. Now, I have no idea what to say as far as advice on this one, because changing jobs just isn't as easy as one may think. But, if working with your spouse has caused some rifts, talk to each other about it and acknowledge the elephant in the room and work together to fix the problem! Be honest with each other!
Now, let's say something tragic happens! For instance, losing a child is devastating! I know my mom and dad lost their son and they ended up divorcing after it. I have seen married friends do the same thing. Ryan and I have gone through this as well, but we are stronger and still in love with each other, more and more each day! We made sure we didn't blame anyone for what happened as in our situation, literally, it was no ones fault. A perfect pregnancy the whole time. Kyra was a loved baby before she was even born. But, when things went crazy, Ryan and I stayed strong but allowed each other to grieve in our own way! We didn't push each other away! I didn't force him to talk things out nor did he force me to stop crying. I was the crier and he was the one who was more held together. He did grieve and he let me in on his grieving when he felt like it. He was my strength as well! He never made me go through anything alone! He stuck by my side and was there for me whenever I needed. I cried a lot, as anyone would imagine. He never made me feel like I was over emotional. He accepted my emotions and he shared in those emotions with me. We were completely open with each other. He knew of my fear of us splitting apart through this as well since my parents did. I opened up to him about that! He assured me that we would work through this together and not to worry about that. So, be open and honest with each other, don't force each other to grieve the way you think they should, but always be aware of their feelings and if they need some alone time, don't question it!
Now I know most couples won't go through what we went through so that was a heavy paragraph! But, there are also those couples who do their own thing without sharing their life story with others. If it wasn't for me, I am sure no one would know what was going on in Ryan's world because he is a very private person. Some of that has rubbed off on me as well. One thing that neither of us do is really talk about our relationship to other people. By that I mean, we don't complain about each other to other people! I know A LOT of women just LOVE to gossip about their significant other and it usually is never good gossip! STOP THAT! It's no one's business what goes on between you two, and it should be worked out by you two! Now, that doesn't mean you don't have that one friend that you go to for advice on how to deal with things! That is normal. Everyone should have that one person who they can rely on and trust to tell the most deepest of secrets and problems to. But to be with a bunch of women on an outing and just bash your husband or SO for whatever reason is completely unacceptable! If I need to vent some things or talk things through before discussing them with Ryan, I will talk to Amber and she will tell me if I am wrong and blowing things out of proportion or the best way to try and deal with things. But with that said, I know I also need to be honest with her and give her the whole story and not a one sided story, otherwise I create a bias for her. I am pretty good at acknowledging my mess ups so that isn't an issue. But I would never go to just anyone and ask advice. I trust Amber with my life and I know she would never run to everyone we know and tell my secrets! And she doesn't judge me! That is the best! Now, when it comes to the good parts of the relationship, hell yeah talk about those. You want people to be happy for you and to see how happy you are with your spouse or SO. People like to hear good things and to support you in them! But when you are constantly talking bad about your spouse or SO, people begin to wonder why you are even together and if you would talk bad about your spouse or SO behind their back, they know you are doing it about them too so they aren't going to trust you! They may act like it, but that is only to keep things civil.
Ok, that is a long enough blog for today! I hope you enjoyed this read! Let me know in the comments! If you want to be anonymous, go to my home page and use that comment box! You can enter a name that isn't yours and post a comment! Just make sure to reference the blog you are talking about! Thank you for taking your time to read my blog, it is always appreciated! Have a great day!